I Only Dance Alone

Dancing is something I do by myself almost every day.

Last night, I watched Pixar’s Soul, and I connected deeply with the idea that when someone becomes fully immersed in what they love, they slip into another plane of existence.

That’s where I go.

Somewhere higher.

My body relaxes. My eyes close. I let the music move through me.

I’m not thinking anymore.

I’m feeling.

My body becomes a conduit—moving to the deep, rhythmic pulse of the artist’s emotion.

So when a man asked me to dance last night, my response was simple:

“I don’t know how to dance with other people.”

He laughed. Said it was the best response he’d ever heard.

But I wasn’t joking.

Dancing with someone requires connection. Awareness. Trust.

One person moves—the other responds. There’s a conversation happening without words.

And that’s something I don’t allow myself anymore.

My ability to trust has been worn down to the point where even a single dance feels like too much.

I freeze.

My body goes rigid.

When someone shows genuine interest in me—even something as simple as asking me to dance—I shut down.

Part of me wants that connection.

But it feels like a fantasy.

And the truth is… I don’t need it.

Last night was still incredible.

I found my people. My fit was fire. The music was fast and relentless.

I was exactly where I wanted to be.

There’s this idea that connection with others is what fulfills us.

But I’ve already lived that life.

I gave everything to someone once. Loyal beyond reason. He was my entire world.

And when I was finally forced to see the truth, it didn’t just hurt—it shattered everything I had built.

So I walked away.

From him. From that version of myself. From the world I thought I needed.

And I became something stronger.

Something sharper.

Something that no longer bends just to be accepted.

People still try to correct me.

“Hold up.” “Stay in your lane.”

But why?

There is nothing wrong with me.

I’ve wasted enough time trying to fit inside other people’s expectations—judgments built on bias, on misunderstanding, on projections that were never mine to carry.

None of that matters anymore.

The only thing that matters…

is what sets your soul on fire.